Too often, the phrase “estate planning” suggests legal appointments, costly documents, and an abstract notion of preparing for death. However, when the legal and financial map is already laid out, loved ones can spend their time remembering the person who died instead of filling out the next required form or hunting for documents. Think of estate planning not as an intimidating legal process, but as an act of love.

When her husband Paul died suddenly, Rebecca learned the hard way that one unchecked box or one outdated form can unravel into years of unnecessary stress. We cannot control everything, but we can make things easier for the people we love by paying attention to the details—today, not later.

After Ethan’s unexpected death, his husband Daniel was shocked to find an error on Ethan’s 401(k) beneficiary paperwork. A simple mistake opened the door to bitter lawsuits, prejudice and heartbreak during the hardest chapter of Daniel’s life—dramatically illustrating the importance of carefully updating your paperwork after every major life change.

My mother planned her death carefully—body donated to medical research, final documents in order, and she chose when to stop taking her medication. But it was up to me to carry out her final request: for her ashes to be spread around a tree in upstate New York’s Hudson Valley.

Please note: I am writing this post from a layman’s perspective. For a more precise legal definition, consult a few reputable Illinois-based law firms that include descriptions on their websites.  Search “Probate in Illinois” online for some good legal resources.

In my own non-legalese, probate as a term either refers to the process of probating a will or Probate Court. Probate Court is a special state court located in your county that specifically handles wills and estates. Probate court is a way to settle a person’s estate through established state law.

Death is a universal experience, as are the feelings of grief and loss when loved ones die. Unfortunately, this period of grief and loss comes with unfamiliar paperwork. There is more paperwork to close out a person’s life than we would expect—and it can be overwhelming and confusing.

After my mother passed away in March 2023, I found myself sorting through the familiar clutter of her home—papers, photos, keepsakes. But it was a bag of spare keys that unexpectedly opened the door to parts of her life I never truly knew.

I often say this because I mean it – “A well-planned death is a wonderful gift to pass on to your loved ones after you die.” This list is meant to help you begin estate planning.  The list below is not dispositive.  There are other documents to address other legal and financial issues which might arise.  As I usually state in my blog posts, an attorney can help you create the best documents for you and your loved ones.

After I processed my absence in what must have been heart-breaking moments in my mother’s life, I realized that there might be more stories in this “bag o’ keys”.  I followed my curiosity with those keys and the stories, some of which will come later, helped me come to love my mother more than I already did.

Careful planning will reduce the amount of time and effort spent by your loved ones after you die.  And when you die, the grief your loved ones will feel is all too real.  All the paperwork and effort needed to settle your estate comes when that grief is most acute.  Putting off estate planning can often be more painful for a loved one than preparing the way for them.

I would like this blog to be a resource for people who are thinking about estate planning, settling an estate, dealing with aging family members or are themselves aging. Sometimes I will post things that are more personal in nature – things I learned after my mother died.  Other times, I will add things that I learned from my estate planning work or my reading.  It may also include random things about how to deal with grief or links to other people’s articles or posts that I think may be helpful to others.